People tend to get really weird when they are around our boy.
To be specific, adults tend to get really weird around our boy.
Seeing a child in a wheelchair is admittedly unsettling. Most people avert their eyes. Some give that tight-mouthed half-smile that is meant to communicate a sort of "I'm sorry." Some engage in well-meaning but unhelpful ways and a precious few either treat you like everything is normal, or with thoughtful kindness. When we don't feel comfortable but want to try to be nice or helpful we often blurt out things that we later wonder why on earth that was the first thing that came out of our mouth.
On multiple occasions people have told my son, "I wish I had a wheelchair like that!" The fundamental problem with that statement is that it is a lie. Nobody with fully functional legs wishes they had to be in a wheelchair instead. What makes matters worse is that my son knows it is lie. After one such interaction, my boy turned to me and asked, "Why do people say that, Dad? It's not true, right? They don't really wish they had Dystrophy."
Me: "No, buddy. They are just trying to be kind."
The Bean: "Then why would they say something that is not true?"
Me: *staring blankly "..........................uhhhhhhh.........well.........sometimes people don't know what to say, but they are still trying to be kind."
Please know, this is not meant to shame anyone. I am not thinking of you as I type this. I don't even remember who said it any of the times. What I want to do is acknowledge and affirm your desire to engage and be encouraging and to coach you how to do it well. The best example I can give is a little boy at the zoo who made my son's day.
I heard him talking to his mom from across the pathway. "Can I talk to him, Mom? Is it ok if I tell him?" I heard the mom say, "Sure," and looked over to see the little guy cautiously walking over to us as, evidently, the "him" he was referring to was my son. I clenched up, knowing this could go so many different directions, and was elated when the (probably 5 year-old) boy enthusiastically declared:
"Your chair is so cool! I've never seen one like that before. I love the color! Can you control it yourself?!"
My boy looked up at me wide-eyed with the "what do I say?" face and I encouraged him to show the boy how it worked. He zipped around the other boy in a circle and the tiny Barnabas (see Acts 4:36 if you don't know that reference) jumped up and down cheering, "That is so awesome! How fast does it go?"
Recognizing my son's "can I?!" face, I replied, "show him the turbo, buddy."
Cranking it all the way up to 11, he peeled off in a cloud of dust to the delight of his new little fan. "Mom! did you see that! His chair is so fast!"
Trying to hold it together, I expressed effusive gratitude to the mom and the little boy, and then delighted in my son quietly telling me, "Did you hear that, Dad?! That boy said my chair was cool!" As he enjoyed the rest of the day at the zoo, his head and spirit were both a little higher.
Proverbs says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver." While I don't personally have much interest in gold apples, the context is clear. The right word at the right time is a treasure. It's not just saying words. It's saying the right words at the right time. Words spoken fitly; with care and intention. In order for them to be the right words, they must be true. I am thankful for the example of that little boy, who simply wanted to share what he truly thought was good about my son's chair and it made my son's day.
May our words and actions today reflect a true childlike faith. Matthew 18:3-4
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